ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dicks are not precious.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
