So drunk its hurt
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
