We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
