i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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