I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize