I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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