I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
