The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
