i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
