I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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