I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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