3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
