Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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