so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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