i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
