soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
