Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
