1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
