she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
