Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
