dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
