You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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