"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
