Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
