just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
