Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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