$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
