i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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