ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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