Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
