On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
