WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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