Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My bed smells like the plague
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
