i need an iv and a liver transplant
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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