The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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