I wish I only lived at night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
