I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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