All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
