Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
