I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
