Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
