The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This is my gift to your gina
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
