when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
