so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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