What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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