Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
