So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
