One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
