I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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