My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
