just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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