alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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