I just saw a hot homeless man
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
