I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
