he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
