I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
