I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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