Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
