So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
