It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
