Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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