Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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