I heard we made out
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
