That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize