Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
