..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
