I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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