Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
