my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
