I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He passed out mid-signature
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
