No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
