Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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