What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
