Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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