why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
