I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
