Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
