thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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