I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
