This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
