just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
