The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize